504!

Friends, I’m proud to say that this Tuesday evening I finally reached the project halfway point with a total of 504 paintings finished.

I’ve spent the time since then just sort of trying to get my mind around what I’ve done. Hoping to have some kind of profound wisdom to share with you. I guess what I’m experiencing is the “Plenty Zen” thing that is my focus for this year.

How do I feel about getting to 504?

I tend to have a delayed reaction to joy (working on that) so, for the moment I’m feeling rather neutral about the whole thing.

I wish I could say I were terribly excited. But I’m just not. Like I said, this is a sort of weird thing about me, and I may just be trembling with excitement about finishing half the project sometime later.

Satisfied? Yes.

Kind of astonished that I got this far? Yes and no.

Yes, because it’s really a ridiculous sort of goal. 1008 paintings? Come on. Or as my boyfriend said, “That’s crazy.”

Actually, I think he said, “You’re crazy.” Affectionately.

No, not really astonished because I can be really stubborn and competitive (with myself, mostly) and this is a situation where those qualities can sort of help me get over the doubt and fear that go along with doing something creative, or new, or both.

What really excites me (I guess this is key) is diving into the other half of the project and seeing what else I learn. I’m excited about finishing. I’m excited about how much of a teacher this project is for me.

Because I set this up to be a learning experience for myself.

As I was formulating the project, I was wondering:

What would it be like to get into regular painting again?

What would it be like to have a sort of marathon project that felt rather out of reach to do?

What would it be like to chart my progress (including the ups and downs) publicly?

Where would painting take me if I just let myself have time and space for it in my life?

What if I were to start selling my paintings again, after 13 years of not selling my paintings?

So. Here we are:

504 down. 504 to go.

In Zen, the idea is that we do things without attachment. Certainly painting (and all creating) is very much like meditation for me, in the sense that I try to be in a “no-mind” state, not thinking, not judging, just being and doing.

So maybe that’s why I’m not in some sort of high state. Or maybe I’m just aware that in a marathon (the kind you do with running shoes) the real difficulty lies not at the halfway point, but further down the road, a few miles before the finish line…

Or maybe I’m just being present (for a change) and not worrying about the past or future. That feels more accurate. Plenty Zen. That’s what I ordered this year.

What I can say for sure is that the experience of working this way has resulted in a rare gift: pure joy at simply creating.

My most recent previous project updates have talked about this, in case you’re curious about specifics.

That’s all for now. Back to work!

I’ve got a small mountain of discarded cardboard boxes collected from the neighbors to turn in to 500 or so more supports for the rest of the paintings.

I’ve got a fresh pack of Exacto blades and the big tables opened up for trimming cardboard.

I’ve got the time and energy to work.

And an incredible group of people following my progress and cheering me on. Which feels like the biggest blessing of all.

Thank you, thank you, thank you: for tuning in, for cheering me on, for just being there.

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